On Learning, Growing, Forgiving and Something About Canoes
Aw hey, fellow people-sicles! It's nasty out there (unless you're in Irvine... ack hem!), and I expect you'll be hearing from me a lot more now that I'm so often confined to my snuggly bed/happy place. Ain't no thang - I'm a big believer in seasons and an advocate for flowing right along with them. In short, the universe is telling me to blog, whip out my own damn yoga mat, and count my millions within the cozy confines of my winter home.
The universe has a sh*t ton to say, no question. I am one who perpetually looks for oracular signs; who literally finds cause to raise her hands to the sky and ask "WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!" on a near daily basis.
Thus, I posit that if we make an effort to listen to the universe, we learn things when we're gosh darn well supposed to learn things. At 25, I have finally learned that I should wear socks in winter. My go-to defense that Einstein didn't indulge in such frivolous footwear because he was too engrossed in being brainy doesn't hold much weight given that he didn't ride the el in sub zero temps. (We were, however, hair twins for a time.)
I have learned what a ten yard line is, in my earnest query to the universe: "What is football?" Previously, I considered myself too avante garde to care, but the truth is that I just love enthusiasm!!!
And most importantly, I have learned that raw parsnips are on my do-not-juice list. Gag.
Ok, MOST, most importantly, I have learned the value of forgiveness. Forgiving others for falling out of step with the person you were busy becoming in your formative years (heads up... if you're lucky, you will forever be in your formative years) and forgiving yourself for the mistakes you've made and the dear ones you've left behind. To quote Louise Hay, "You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had." You go, Louise Hay.
Look. There are so, so many loving, inspiring, gorgeous people that I was once close to, but am not close to anymore; so many prospective friendships with kindred spirits that never came to fruition because we were focused on our own projects or because one can only have so many soul mates. I was booked. They were booked. So it goes. We all need different things at different times in our lives, and while we have to hold ourselves accountable for the choices we make, we make those choices for a reason. You, me, Louise Hay... we're all in the same Learning/Growing/Forgiving boat. Or maybe we're all in the same fleet of canoes; able to paddle in separate directions, inhabit separate islands, and run for mayor of separate cities. I, personally, would be mayor of Sassyandsocialbutneedsalotofalonetime Town.
You read me? Me neither. And the fact is, it has taken me 25 years to know which imaginary town I could be hypothetical mayor of. Throughout our lives, bonds have deepened and faded away because we are always changing. I go into the particulars a bit in this post, but I trust that most everybody knows what I'm talkin' 'bout: we're not the same as we were ten years ago, so the companions we seek aren't the same. And as we grow apart from some, maybe we return to others. I'm thinking specifically of a really sweet email I recently received from an old pseudo-friend who I'm certain could be my real friend now, and maybe forever, if we continue to paddle in the same direction.
And what direction is that? From what I can tell, many of the lasting friendships I'm privileged to have are with people who are just as all over the map as me: wild party people who need time and space to be creative. But before I understood that, I'm afraid I blamed the friends I had for diverging from my wake, and I'm sure they blamed me. Now that I do understand, though... now that I've learned and grown and started to populate a crackpot metaphorical island chock full of other wild party people who need time and space to be creative... I forgive them. And I feel awfully silly for ever harboring resentment against old pals just for trying to do their thang.
But then I forgive me, too. After all, I did the best I could. Remember that at the polls. Rose for Mayor, 2013!