On Having So. Many. Feelings.

"Girl in White" by Gustav Klimt

"Girl in White" by Gustav Klimt

Happy Humpday, friends! For the record, I think that phrase is veritably disgusting in sort of a harmless creeper way... so happy Wednesday? Idk, I'm sleep deprived and lightly cranky. Humpy Wednesday. No?

This post is about having and processing feelings. Most humans have them. Happy feelings. Humpy feelings. We got 'em girl. But even though I maintain a blog, believe in therapy and unload on everyone (i.e. you guys, my mom, my girls IRL, unfortunate baristas, my two readers in Anarctica...) all the time, sometimes I can't identify or articulate feelings when they're first starting to bubble up. Examples: when I have ridiculous Jersey Shore style throw downs with my little sister/bff but I don't effectively contribute anything to our discussions until after I've chewed on my emotions for three days, at which point I will compose and send a thorough analysis/insane mini novella regarding my situation and self. Or when I'm trying to navigate a new relationship, particularly of the boy-variety, and need all of my women to weigh in on what they think is going on and why before I can determine what I am feeling and why I am feeling it... and then I have to write those feelings down if I ever want to be able to express them like a functioning person. Essentially, me no talk pretty in regards to all of the things... at least not right away. Tell me that's not just me.

I think part of my problem is that I'm very sensitive. Recently, I cried while watching Harry Met Sally on the eliptical at my gym. Sometimes I just wander museums (me-dates... I still swear by them) and am moved to tears by paintings or installations... which makes me a roving weirdo and an institution unto myself. I have wept quietly while peering into the Thorne miniatures (someone spent days embroidering the upholstery on that tiny chair! Someone devoted his or her life to engineering itty bitty toiletry items and vanity sets!) and this painting makes me crazy.

She gets me. Gustav Klimt gets me. I think this will always and forever be my favorite painting.

Basically, I AM, like, SO CULTURED. I just understand art, ok?! Lies: I don't understand anything but I'm easily affected by everything. And then I get overwhelmed, and then I don't know what's what, and then I literally have to remind myself to notice my feet on the ground and my butt in my chair so I don't float away in a cloud of flighty delirium. I've worked really hard to be more grounded - in my body; in my thoughts - but I'm not totally there yet, which occasionally makes me come across as a lunatic.

I also just express myself best in the written form. I mean, you guys saw my vlog... probs not my best medium (though I WILL take another crack at it!) When I write, I don't have to take anyone else's feelings into account. When I'm actually talking to another person that I admire or pity or look up to or want to make out with... well, then it's not all about me anymore. Empathy is THE WORST, amiright?

How about you all? HOW DO YOU DEAL? I, personally, am feeling caps lock as a means of expression. 

Strange emo smooches to you! Tell me your feelings! And philosophies! BOUT DAT LIFE.


Rose TruesdaleComment