I'm Not Here

Just some camo. Casual.
By Erick Davila, courtesy of this Pinterest page.

Hi long lost friends and readers. I've not been around here, of late... because I'm angsty as sh*t! I have theoretical ants in my (very real) gold lamé harem pants. All of my guts are bulbous and vibrating and my eyes have a pulse. Also I just googled "things that vibrate" and I am immediately sorry I did so.

I can't tell you what's going on with me, Internet. I can't even tell me what's going on with me, except my Weltschmerz is legitimate and you'd understand if I told you particulars. Instead, I'm going to cha cha around it like Ginger Rogers on a ballroom floor or Obama on health care (zing!) because I miss blogging enough to make amorphous references to an ambiguous existential dilemma but not quite enough to blow my cover. Capisce? Kinda?

You all know that, generally speaking, my prescription for all that ails you is to get comfy with your feelings, wring out every last globule of perspicuity from your terrifyingly beautiful life and go forth, young lass. But, like, sometimes living in the moment is actually #theworst. Certain harrowing circumstances require constant distraction, specifically circumstances involving waiting. If one is waiting to hear back from grad school so one can attempt to plot out one's imminent life ; if one is waiting for one's boyfriend to return from saving elephants in Laos so one can break up with him and start becoming a self actualized postmodern woman; if one is waiting for any other human or organization to effect change in one's life, that completely blows for... one. Okay, we're talking about me. Hi. It blows for me. Anyway.

Some healthy distractions if you find yourself, likewise, waiting... and by healthy, I mean not whiskey:

1. Make stuff. Roast garlic-ginger carrot fries. Paint black and white portraits of Juggalos on red canvas for your formal dining room. Or just come over, because those are my planned activities for tonight.

2. Nerd out. Maybe you're not as enthralled by ICP fan aesthetics as I am. It's cool. Watch every Doctor Who episode that's ever aired from the beginning of time. Compose a cento of Eleanor Roosevelt quotes. Whip out Velociraptor! Cannibalism! Or just read food blogs and expand your brain like a chia seed in water, Peanut!

3. Treat yo'self. These four things can transform your SAD hibernation hovel into a mecca of sparkly self care: a quality seaweed face mask, green juice supplies, Sally Hansen sticker nails and a playlist comprised of every Alanis Morissette song. Go.

That's all. Miss you. Love you. Juggalo art awaits.


Rose TruesdaleComment